What He Dreams About
by Yorokobi Asahi
Summary: Ed finds out that sometimes nice dream can hurt more than nightmares. Brotherly!EdAl. NO yaoi.


Title: What He Dreams About

Author: Yorokobi Asahi

Summary: Ed finds out that sometimes nice dream can hurt more than nightmares.

Characters: Edward E., Alphonse E.

Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Family

Rating: K

Warning: None

Includes: Brotherly!EdAl

Does not include: No yaoi

Timeline: Brotherhood universe. Before first episode.

Thanks: To alchemyfreak42 and JRaylin441 for beta-reading

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa. No profits were made.

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><p><strong>„<strong>**Sometimes you need to venture beyond the barricades to experience what you fight against."**

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><p>It was a nice sunny morning. Alphonse had just returned from his early-morning walk with food and some sweets that he knew his brother would love. Edward got so embroiled in his research that he tended to miss meals. They had found something really promising on their last mission. Maybe this time they'd finally found a way to get their bodies back. Hope shined in Ed's eyes every time Al looked at him. If the armored boy could, he would smile.<p>

Al entered the hotel room silently, not wanting to wake Ed in case his brother was still sleeping. But he wasn't. Ed was sitting on his bed, hugging his knees to his chest and staring at the empty wall in front of him. The look in his eyes was almost grieving. If Al didn't know any better, he would think his brother was about to cry.

"Brother?" He asked tentatively, trying to catch the older boy's attention.

Ed looked at Alphonse, a deep sorrow flashing in his eyes. Al's imagined heart shattered. What could have happened to his older brother? Worry twisted inside him as he put the bag with food on the table and slowly approached his brother, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Did you have a nightmare?" He asked softly. The young blond only shook his head, confusing Alphonse.

"Then what happened?" He tried again.

"It's… hard to explain." Ed answered.

"Try it."

"I'm so pathetic!" Edward cried as he gripped his hair with his hands. "Getting so upset with something so _stupid_!" He looked away. "You'd probably laugh at me anyway." he added softly.

"Brother, stop it!" Alphonse scolded; maybe little more harshly than he wanted, but he was angry and hurt that his brother would think so little of him. Edward flinched a little. He raised his head, cheeks slightly pink with embarrassment as he met his younger brother's soul-fire eyes.

"Have I ever laughed at you?" asked Alphonse. "Especially over something that hurt you?"

The blond lowered his head again. "No," he whispered.

"So please tell me and let _me_ decide whether it's stupid or not."

"Okay." Edward sighed. "I was having a dream, but it wasn't a nightmare. It was a pretty nice dream actually. You know that research we're working on? I dreamed about that… that it worked." Now Al was starting to get it, but he stayed silent, not wanting to interrupt his brother. "You were in your flesh body again. It felt so _real_! Everybody was happy, even the idiot colonel. They were all laughing, and then Winry was there and she was crying tears of _joy_. And the best part of it was your smile, Al. I'll never forget the way your eyes shined. You were so happy, Al, _so happy_…" his voice broke.

Alphonse didn't know what to say. "Brother…"

Ed took a minute to calm down and then continued. "When I woke up and realized it was just a dream, I couldn't believe it. You know I haven't slept well last few nights. I wished for just one nightmare-free night. They say 'Be careful what you wish for, because you might get it'. Maybe it's true; now I feel even worse. Because, you know, when you have a nightmare, waking up is comforting. It's just a nightmare, it's not true. But when the dream is what's nice and reality is a nightmare, where is the comfort?"

Al looked into his brother's eyes and had to admit that he didn't have an answer.

The older boy turned his head forward and stared at the wall again. "I don't want to have any dreams anymore." He sighed. "I wish I didn't have to sleep."

"Brother! You shouldn't speak like that!"

Ed's eyes widened in shock. What had he just said?! His insides twisted with guilt. He didn't have any right to complain about his stupid dreams to Alphonse, who couldn't sleep and dream at all! His little brother was trapped in an empty, unfeeling suit of armor; and what Ed just said was like suggesting that he'd like this life more than his physical body. What was he thinking?!

"I'm sorry, Al, I don't know-"

"Don't be."

Ed looked up confused. "What?"

"Don't apologize," the younger Elric repeated. "I may not have a physical body anymore, and I've lost a lot of feelings, but I still know how it feels to be hurt. I understand that when you're hurting, running away from it seems to be the best option. But it's not. I know it's hard, but running from it won't solve anything. Didn't you tell me just that when we were younger? And believe me; having the body I have isn't very nice either."

"I know, Al," Edward said suddenly ashamed, his voice quivering. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it like that; you have to live a terrible life in that armor."

"It's okay, Brother." Al's big arm moved up Ed's back and he slowly embraced his older brother. He was glad Ed didn't object to this closeness; he actually leaned into the touch. He was ridiculously small compared to the younger boy's armor. "I'm not the only one who has to live a terrible life, Brother. You gave up several years of your life trying to help me. And you're so hard on yourself. You take all the guilt on your shoulders, but we both made this mess. It _wasn't_ just your fault," he said, quickly adding the last bit when he noticed that the boy in his arms wanted to say something. "We _both_ made that decision, brother. And we both have to suffer the consequences. Just because you can still eat and sleep doesn't mean you're not hurting. You don't have to be strong all the time. _Nobody_ can do that. It's okay to feel hurt or lost sometimes. You have your friends and family to be strong for you then."

Alphonse paused, suddenly remembering something. "You asked where the comfort is when the reality is a nightmare. Here's the answer: We still have each other. You saved my life, Brother, and right now nothing else matters."

Those words warmed Edward's heart deep inside. He looked up at his younger brother and smiled; all traces of sadness in his eyes gone. "Yeah, that's more than enough."

They sat there in silence for a few more minutes, enjoying the moment. "You know," Ed started, "The more I think about it, the more I realize that not every question has an answer. There are problems in this world that we can't solve. And when we're hurt, sometimes the only thing we can do is let time heal us, and even then it can leave a scar. The only thing we can do- no, what we _have_ to do- is get up and move forward. Because there are problems that we _can_ solve, and we can't do anything while sitting here."

Alphonse chuckled. "Where did you get these philosophical thoughts this early in the morning?"

"I don't know," laughed the older boy. "What's for breakfast? I'm starving!"

"Of course you are, Brother" replied Al as he handed his brother the food he'd brought.

And while Ed enjoyed his breakfast, for once he didn't feel guilty. He was just glad to have his brother by his side.

"Thank you, Al." He said. "For everything."

"You're welcome, Brother."

And Edward could swear he saw his little brother smile.

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><p><strong>I wrote this one-shot because of a personal experience. I love dreams. For me it's a whole new world of amazing adventures I can never see in real life. And I'm no stranger to nightmares, usually very wild and colorful, full of shooting, death and fire. But what really got me to my knees was one of the most pleasant dreams I have ever had. I dreamed about my little sister, beautiful and cute little girl with golden hair and a bright smile who I loved with all my heart... only to wake up and realize that mom had a miscarriage and she was never born. I cried and didn't want to have any dreams anymore, especially not pleasant dreams. I talked to my friend about that and she replied me with a story. She had an older brother she never met. He was very ill and died at the age of four. But she told me that before he died, her father had a dream where his son was healthy and full of life and everything was all right again. When he woke up it was terrible shock for him. It's a cruel irony that the most beautiful dreams are actually the ones that hurt us the most.<strong>


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